I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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