My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize