I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
