you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i think i have herpe
just one?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize