If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
