she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
