Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
