Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
