she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
