He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
