does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
