You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
