She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
