Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
