one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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