home. puking in laundry basket.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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