no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
