I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
