Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
