is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She bit a glass in half.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize