If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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