My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
