Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
