Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
