She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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