I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize