Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
