Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
