My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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