the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
