the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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