I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
