I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
