I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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