Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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