I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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