I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
