Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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