I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
