I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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