So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
