at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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