So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
