We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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