dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
