one might say we're banned from that church
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
