pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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