Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
