glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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