She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
