we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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