I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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