Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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