The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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