No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
