apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
