i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
They have beer where we have blood.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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