I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize