i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
