just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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