I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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