I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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