I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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