im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
