bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
