My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Randomize
