I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
false alarm, still single
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
