I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
